The Possibility of Love

Today's blog will perhaps cover a lot of those loose ends in my brain, the one's that come when you have time to think and ponder and reflect on what has happened in your life or the catalyst of the day's past events that make you become more ponderous. WOW! I am in it today! So this weekend was a wonderful weekend and a sad one too. We had so many good things happen, but we also had a few meltdowns too. By we I mean my children and me.



Divorce is a nasty creature. However, the worst is being so helpless and just having to follow what the adults decide and not being able to protect or make your demands known as children sometimes feel. My children and I are doing a program called "The Five Love Languages of Children". I took the time to read the book and do the questionnaires with each child and develop their love language style. What is the emotional need of each child and how do you meet that on a regular basis? My oldest her needs turned out to be words of affirmation and quality time doing projects and playing games. My middle child her needs turned out to be words of affirmation and little gifts. My youngest child his needs turned out to be words of affirmation and quality time. I have been consistent in my parenting by holding firm to the belief that when I have to use discipline I say three positives for every negative. All three of my children stated in our first few family sessions on love language that they like that Mommy says good things to them every day and follows it with a hug a kiss and a I love you. Each one of my children also stated that they like that I do crafts, baking, play games and spend quality time with them. So meeting their emotional needs is not difficult for me because we do it already.

However, with the nasty creature of divorce in our lives they are not always with me and sometimes when they do return to me their "emotional tank" is totally empty and needs to be refilled. So it takes a bit of attention and positive affirmation, but then they are back to happy playing and wonderful little children. I don't have too many difficulties with them not being well behaved. We have a very deep loving relationship where they know they are safe and loved and can be just what they are...children. I have found that with love discipline is easier. Hug therapy works better than anything I have ever known. We don't say negative words in our home, like "shut-up", "I hate you", or anything like that. We say please be quiet, I don't like...., and "not now I need my quiet time". We made a contract with rules that we as a family would follow. We made one every summer and used it to understand that we are a family that cares about the other members and that we don't need anger and negativity to get in the way.



We certainly have our moments. There are still disagreements and skirmishes, and sometimes feelings are hurt, but how we deal with it is not through anger. We deal with it by talking about it and discussing what we can do better next time to avoid the situation. With rules and boundaries set as well. So telling someone to take out the garbage or help with clean up of toys is not a fight, but a thing done so we can have more play time.



Now onto our weekend. We had a crafty love filled day with baking and Valentine's from morning until night. We talked about what makes us a happy family and what makes us love each other. We made Valentine's for each other and did crafts too. We spent all of Saturday discovering the good and wonderful aspects of each other. In a family our size that is needed. We need to reconnect on a regular basis and keep the lines of communication open so we don't get regretful or hurtful. With children and siblings that is easy to do. If one gets more than the other or if one gets more privilege than that of the other without due cause, then resentments build. I try my hardest to eliminate that possibility and by doing so we have more peaceful days. More importantly we play. We play dress up or ball or something. Quality time over quantity time.



I have no idea what our future is going to bring. I just know that we love each other beyond measure and I am looking forward to every milestone we have together. I just make sure they know each and everyday how wonderful they are and how much they mean to me.