Meeting The Need

I was talking to my step-mother a while back and she said something to me that has stayed with me. She said, "I never could figure out how you got it all done. You had homework and chores and you babysat the children, and yet you managed to make it all look so easy, and you were only fourteen. I marvelled over that for years." She went on to describe what life had been like back then when I was a teenager. My father, God rest him, passed two years ago and it is a hole in her heart that just won't heal. Sometimes we like to talk about him and remember him. However this day she was remembering me.

Growing up for my teen years in Upper State New York was an experience I will always remember. I learned so much in those few years. My father (Yit) and step-mother (Mut) had foster children and adopted most of them, so we always had a house full. I learned how to cook large amounts of food at one time, keep a home clean and ready for daily use, and most importantly I learned how to care for children. I learned the basics first, like changing diapers, burping, feeding, potty training, but the greatest thing I learned was how to connect with children. How to find what makes them happy at the emotional need rather than just the physical. I owe Mut and Yit a great deal for that. I learned the importance of laughter and love and play time and quality time. In essence I learned how to meet the need.

My siblings are almost all grown now, and I think back to how easy it was to get home from high school do homework, then help with dinner and dishes, do family quality time and get ready for the next day. On weekends Mut and Yit had a catering business and we had to all get up at sometimes four in the morning to help cut vegetables, make banana pudding, make cakes, or whatever was on the menu for that event. Each child had a job and no job was less important than that of the other. We were a unit and as such we worked together. This sense of responsibility and belonging has carried me well through the years. When I feel over whelmed I know to just start at one and work my way through until I am done and the task is finished. Sometimes however, I forget to meet my need when I am doing so much to meet other's needs.

How do you say, time out? How do you stop when everything and everyone is counting on you?
It is rather easy. You take a deep breath, count to ten, say a quick prayer, and then multitask until the job is finished and you can relax and meet your need. A quick hug, an act of kindness, a drink in some cases are the need and it is imperative that you take that time, even if it is only ten minutes and meditate on yourself so burnout does not happen.

My life is stressful, but it is good. I have friends and I have family to help when I can't carry the load. But the most important thing is that I have a frame of reference from childhood that helps me to understand the importance of meeting the need. When I relate that to the people I love, I look closely at what they are not telling me verses what they are telling me. In the children I know that hug and love therapy works best and that a positive statement out of the blue is the greatest picker upper ever.

So my challenge to those who read this today, is to find your need and meet it. Then make sure you look and listen closely to the ones you love and meet a need for them today. It could be a hug, a quick lunch, or just a phone call. I guarantee you will feel the better for it.