Noteables

I like quotes. I like to read them and ponder them, and sometimes I like to apply them. It is a very interesting thing to look into someones thought process and find out the better and worse qualities of a mind. It never fails to amaze me what we can come up with as humans and thinkers. Sometimes I am stumped and sometimes I am very appal ed but most often I am amazed.

Today's quote from Mother Theresa goes like this..."I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world." Wow what a statement. She really was a large pencil, but in her humility she stated she was a small fragment of God's good works. So I say to myself as I ponder her thoughts that what sort of pencil am I? I thought perhaps I am a very small nibbed pencil and I don't make a difference at all in this world, but someone very dear to me told me to think again and take a deeper look into myself. So that is my journey today in this blog...a deeper look.

What makes a difference? I give a dollar to the homeless man and a smile. I give food to those who need it. I give any material items my family can't use to the less fortunate, I go to Mass on a regular basis. Humm that's not a big dent in the world at all. It helps those little things. So I think in looking deeper I am not succeeding.

The difference in being a big pencil and a small snub pencil is not only what we do but what we live. So I am thinking very diligently what do I live? I have my thoughts on politics and religion. I have my opinions on society and culture. I have my black and white logic and my shadings of grey logic. But what do I live?

So I made a list of everything I request and require from my children and myself. It's not all inclusive, but it is a good start on the process of finding how we live our lives.

I make meals and request we sit as a family to eat dinner so we can talk to each other.
I request and require that we pray together everyday at least once not counting meal time.
I request and require positive words and affirmations when we deal with each other as a family and with those who are around us.
I request respect of elders and children alike. I request not to take the Lord's name in vain or to use fowl words.(Does not always happen but we try.)
I request that we laugh and play and show affection with hugs and high fives. I request that each child hears and feels I love you daily.
I request that we do community service as a family and as individuals.
I request that we give God his full due and pay attention in Mass and then discuss it afterwards.
I request that we hold God at the center of our family and be open to His gifts and wisdom.
I request that we have time to share with friends and family that build lasting memories.
I request that we do projects together and work with our hands learning new skills like sewing and painting and crafting.
I request that we do not go to bed angry or upset with each other.
I request that no gets hit or spanked or hurt by each other. We are a family and a family is love not punishment by pain.
I also request that we read daily and study diligently to become better people.

All in all it is rather a short list. I have to think harder perhaps to come up with a more detailed list, but that is the basics I know. And so far it's worked pretty well living that way. Sometimes we fall out, all of us do. Sometimes there are squabbles and fights and hurt feelings, but with love therapy and hugs instead of spankings, those don't happen often. Not everyday is going to be a good day. It's like I tell my son when he is having a rough go of it and is misbehaving. I say "Buggie Boo you are not a bad boy, you are just having a bad day. We can fix that." And then we spend our time fixing the bad day to make it a good one. Sometimes all he needs is for me to listen and give an extra hug. Then it's all good and there is not another issue all day. Sometimes to avoid problems you have to be proactive and preventative. In that measure I am all about giving hugs and high fives and posting crafts and homework on the fridge. You can barely find the handle I have so much posted on it. The wall next to it is useable space as well. I even have their art framed and used as decorations in the home. But it is the respect, the affirmation, the attention to just them that makes those little issues not turn into big ones. Through my actions and my words I say to each child "I love you. I respect you. I am proud of you." Makes life a whole lot easier let me tell you.

I do that with friends and family as well. I love you, I respect you, I am proud of you and I am proud that you love me too. Makes the days go by on a happy happy note.

Yesterday was a good day. My oldest and I got to be in the St Patty's Day parade. We were riding on a flatbed float throwing candy to the crowd and waving having a great time. Then we went and had lunch with a wonderful friend. Then we spent family time with another family and had the traditional dinner of corned beef and cabbage and corn muffins and potatoes. The children played outside, we took a long walk after dinner, we played Wii afterwards and we just laughed and had a wonderful time. When Ave and I were leaving she said to me.."Today felt really good, like it's supposed to be, you know? Like family." That was a notable quote too, because she saw what I see and for a teenager to say that is huge. She saw and felt the love of good friends and good happy laughter. She saw what it was really about. Love feels good.

Sigh..And sigh again

A big sigh. When my mother used to sigh at me I would always ask her what was wrong. After a few times she would say "Nothing Dorienne I just sigh..." I remember that because in my young brain I said I would never sigh like that. Unfortunately, I now understnad why she would sigh. It's not like you can tell your child all the things on your mind, so instead you hide it behind a sigh. I get it now. So....Sigh.

I would like to hold myself to a better standard and I like to think I keep to that standard, but sometimes things happen that make me remember that I am only human and I will eventually make mistakes. When I make those mistakes I have to remember that perhaps I am not as bad as I imagine and I should just let it go.

I like to think about lions and their mothering skills sometimes. Mother lions are very protective and very dedicated to thier young. They are fierce and loving. Human mothers can be the same way. I know this and when we feel our children are being mistreated in anyway we become fierce.

I don't think it is the fierce moments that define us however. I think it is those other moments, the millions of little moments that happen day to day. The bandaid, the smile, the words of encouragement, the going out of your way to buy pudding pops for a play date even though you really did not have the time to stop at the store and find that one perfect box of frozen goodness. But you do it anyway.

Mothers are very defined characters. In the media when a mother does a horendous act the public fails to understand it and rails against the mother. However when a mother does a heoric act or a daily affermation of love, no one seems to notice. Ohh but they notice. The babies notice and remember. Not just mommys but daddies too. They remember ever time you sat down and did homework with them. They rmeember ever baked cookie and every mud pie, and every bandaid. They make the world seem full and wonderful just with a simple smile and a loving wave as they run off to play and be happy.

Today is a day. Tomorrow is a day. And perhaps we can all just sit and be greatful for what we have and the blessings we have. No one knows how much time we all have. Only God knows, and so with that being said, I am going to head off to bed and get some sleep. I have Mass in the morning and three sleepy babies to get up and go. We have a play date and a Sunday dinner to make. We have banana bread to make and a craft to complete. We have to throw the baseball around in the backyard and listen to stories that were written. I am going to enjoy every minute I have and be greatful.

Fear Itself

In Mass on Sunday, we discussed sin. Or rather we listened while the homily was about sin and how it affects us. I thought hard about what was said to us. I really pondered what I think of as right and wrong. I wondered about the grey area that sometimes clouds our judgement. Truly the hardest thing to do is look in the mirror and say, "You are doing wrong. You must do better."

On the reverse of that I remembered a few other little quips from previous homilies. When we are on the right path and we are doing what is right and what must be done, we are tempted the worst. What makes you stray from your dedication but the sweetest temptation? And how sweet it is when we fall and give in? Right?

So I am sitting here seriously pensive thinking of all the wrongs I committed in my life and all the "I'm sorry's" I have said and I am thinking that perhaps being so hard on myself is not going to make me feel better or be less pensive, but it will steer me in the right direction of not making those mistakes again and never having to apologize for doing the same wrong thing. That I suppose is growth and maturity.

I wonder in my daily life about the black and white and the grey. As we grow and mature we find so many areas in our lives and our virtues that we can shade grey and try to maneuver out of doing the right thing. However at the end of the day and thus the end of our life we have to atone for those grey areas. It reminds me of a movie from the 80's called Defending Your Life. What will I say when I have to defend my position to God in the final moments of my soul? I want to be able to say "Yes Lord I made mistakes but I lived my life by the goodness and grace of the examples you sent to us." That should not be so hard, I think, perhaps I am wrong.

Looking over the daily headlines it seems I am wrong. Where has all the goodness in the world gone? Where has our God gone? What do we need in this age to rediscover the goodness inside of us and around us?

God is still with us. I know it, I feel it. The goodness we once prided ourselves on is still evident in the world, but daily it gets harder and harder to find as we obsess over the evil and wrong doing.

Tomorrow is a big day for me and my tender family and we need as many prayers of support as we can get. We are looking for a miracle and a good turn around. tomorrow is just the stepping stone to a new and difficult adventure for us, but we are going to withstand it together. I am hopeful and I am afraid of the journey.

So my lesson today is fear. My greatest downfall has always been pride, but today it is fear. I am afraid that the bad and the wrong will over take the goodness I know is there in the world. I fear that humanity is going to such lengths towards misery that we have lost sight of the joy.

My heart is heavy tonight.