Expectations

I am a nervous test taker. Are you a nervous test taker? I shake in my seat until the pencil gets to the paper and then the questions take me over. Sometimes I think about it, rethink about a question, and then rethink about the question until I am so confused in my own brain that I have trouble remembering what the question was originally asking. However, when someone asks me a direct question, I have the ability to close my eyes and see the text book or reference or file card in front of me and I can repeat that information verbatim. Weird.

Brings me to the topic of today. Nervous! I am starting a new job. I have experience. I am actually very knowledgeable about my profession. However, after sitting through a week of New Nurse Orientation, I realized that the standards and level of excellence that is expected of me in my new job is so far above that of my old one, I feel like a novice. I am more than excited about my position. Ecstatic, elated, over joyed, proud all of those are a close to what I feel inside. I have the opportunity to advance in my career and my knowledge base. I have dreamt about a position like this one and I thank God for it. So why am I so nervous?

Like I tell my children anything new can cause weird feelings and a bit of stress. Even though it is a good thing a positive move up, you can still feel stress. For my six year old I ask him about his tummy. For my nine year old I have to tell her to sit still and for my lovable teenager I have to remind her to be quiet as she has talked for over an hour non-stop. For me it's the doubt. Am I good enough?

So I am sitting now after taking a few exams, and I know I did not do the greatest job. I was way to nervous to think straight. I wanted to be brilliant and impress, but more importantly I wanted to understand and learn from what I was doing. So I admitted that I was nervous. I stated my reservations and I did the best I could. And I am happy about it.

I have gone from an environment of watching your back and keeping your patient stable as best as you can until the hospital resources open again at 7am. Now I am in an environment of support and resources 24/7 as well as an environment of education and learning. So I am going to enjoy my new job and learn everything I can so I can be a better nurse and a better person. I am so grateful that I have this opportunity and I don't intend on wasting it. I also know that I am harder on myself than anyone else will ever be. That is my lesson in life to learn I think.