It's almost three am and I am awake. After a busy day doing all the mommy things that I have to do I should be sleeping. Although, tonight I can't. I have been sleeping like a baby for the past ten days and have had such peace since I made a crucial decision in my life. Tonight however I am awake and I have so many things to talk about, but no one to listen. So I write.
Have you ever had a moment in your life where you want to shout from the rooftops? I am at such a moment, but before I get to that moment we have to consider all the other moments that have led up to it.
I am not good with alone. I have never been good with alone, however I have learned to be alone and have had to try to cope with the daily goings and comings of everyone around me. Six months of alone and constant disappointments. That is fine. That is the way of the world. We do what we must and cope with the rest.
I must say here that I pray everyday. I do. Even if I don't broadcast it and people around me think I am some bohemian misfit, I pray everyday. I ask for forgiveness, I ask for love and I ask for healthy happy children and guidance from the true mother of us all. I humble myself because I need to. Everyday is a reminder that I am in need of help and guidance and as far as I am concerned the Mother Mary is the best celestrial guidance I can ask for. So I do. She may not like my everyday life, but she appreciates that I try my hardest to live within the example she set.
Saying that, I have more to explain and more to expound upon. Tonight as I stay awake, my heart is miles from me. My woman's heart is far from me, but my Mother's heart is right next to me. I can't sleep because I keep peering into bedrooms and looking upon faces that I have memorized year after year. These faces produce in me a feeling of such love as to not be found I think except on the face and heart of every other mother I know. I keep looking for the one sigh or moment that means..."Mommy I need you." But they are sleeping.
Last night I was very needed. I had to chase monsters out of a closet and soothe the fears of a beautiful little boy who watched Monster's Inc, and thought Sully was hiding in the closet. Funny I thought it would be spiderman or Sonic the hedgehog that produced these fears.... Anyway, after chasing monsters, I had to secure the perimeter as I was told and make the safe spot so nothing could slip under the bed too. A radio, a nightlight, a flashlight, and a couple of stuffed animals later, and well I had someone crawl into bed with me anyway to be sung to sleep and then carried later to his own room. It was so super nice to cuddle him up and rock him like I used to do and sing him to sleep and carry him passed out to bed.
Today, wow today. Grocery shopping with children is quite an experience. Any mommy out there knows if you can leave the children at home while grocery shopping you should do it! It scares me how much they can manipulate me into buying food wise. I start with good intentions and give them healthy choices. We shake watermelons and tap apples and look over bananas and oranges, however when it comes to breakfast cereal and frozen treats, I get well I get hosed! I will admit a trip to super Walmart is not good for me. Well financially anyway. Breaks me every time. However at least I remembered the light bulbs!
We also went to the Family Thrift Store today with the mindset of finding baseball gear, shorts, and well old fashioned thermoses. I read an article recently about school lunches, and how healthier lunches start at home with mom. No longer is the lunch a sandwich a fruit snack and a chip and juice box, the lunch is now homemade soups and healthier sandwich wraps and homemade fruit cups. So we found three good thermoses and I am going to make another batch of chicken soup. That and pesto turkey wraps with fresh cut fruit cups will be on the menu Monday. Perhaps not only is it healthier and more filling but will also be a better introduction to expanding the palette. I want my children to eat veggies and fruits and new foods, but geez with all the box stuff and the precessed foods they get sometimes that is hard, but I am willing to try. If they trade at lunch time, well I can't prevent that, but I can introduce them to better choices. Right?
Then we played outside and rode bikes, I mowed part of the lawn and ran out of gas...Silly mommy did not have a gas pan to fill...sigh. After that we made dinner and it was a family affair. We made a huge Mexican feast and after an hour running around in the sun and a long day of shopping, we were hungry, so we munched down some tacos and enchiladas and burritos for the vegetarian, and watched a movie. After movies it was shower time and then reading prayers and bedtime. My Mommy's heart is full. We had a great day, full and exciting and just us. Nice.
You know I was going somewhere completely different with the start of this blog, but I am going to finish it with this. I love my children, I love my woman's heart who will be home soon, and I love the life that is ahead, because today the world is mine and I am happiest in it. No matter where I am, no matter what I do, no matter what happens, I have love and I have my life, my blessings, my beloved. Life is good.
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It can be so hard to make healthy food choices, when we are bombarded at the grocery store with so much garbage! I bet you guys have awesome farmers markets out there to go to.. We have one up the street that we get to when we can, when they realize whats good and not, they usually tend to make the good choices. I am happy to hear how happy you are feeling, you deserve it!!
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